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// Tech news at terminal velocity
cat 2026-09-30.md
$ cat TLDR.md
▸ Apple is bringing back the iconic iMac G4 design for its new 'HomePad' smart hub launching October 13th.
▸ Cloudflare is becoming a public Certificate Authority to future-proof the web against quantum computers using Merkle Tree Certificates.
▸ EliseAI hits a $4B valuation to automate housing, while a suspected ShinyHunters hacker gets nabbed in Amsterdam.
Apple is finally making its long-delayed push into the smart home on October 13th with a device codenamed J490. Dubbed the 'HomePad', it reportedly features a 6-inch screen on a hemispherical base—a glorious throwback to the iconic iMac G4 design—and will serve as the nerve center for Siri AI.
Andreessen Horowitz just led a $350M round into EliseAI, a company building AI agents for housing and healthcare. They're already embedded in 1 in 5 multifamily apartments in the US, proving that while intelligence is getting cheaper, your rent probably isn't.
If you were hoping to buy OpenAI stock anytime soon, keep waiting. Sam Altman stated the company won't go public until they can make "better promises about model safety," which is a polite way of saying they need to make sure the AI doesn't accidentally break the internet first.
Quantum computers are coming for our encryption, and Cloudflare is getting ahead of the apocalypse by becoming a public Certificate Authority. They're rolling out Merkle Tree Certificates (MTCs) to replace heavy post-quantum signatures with lightweight cryptographic hashes. It's a massive infrastructure play to keep the web secure without slowing it down to a crawl.
Move over Ozempic. Clinical trials for Retatrutide, a new drug simulating GLP-1, GIP, and glucagon, are showing unprecedented results with patients losing up to 25% of their body weight. It's the most powerful obesity drug we've seen yet.
Cloudflare built an adaptive WAF tester that uses frontier AI models to dynamically mutate requests based on what gets blocked or passed. By creating a continuous learning loop across six attack categories, they found detection gaps that static testing completely missed.
Dutch police arrested a 24-year-old suspected of being part of the ShinyHunters cybercrime ring, the group that recently claimed to have breached the FBI. In a dark twist, authorities also found evidence on his laptop linking him to two attempted murders abroad.
In a move that sounds like it was ripped from a sci-fi B-movie, a new US executive order mandates that government agencies stop using the term "artificial intelligence." Going forward, official policy will only refer to it as "Super Intelligence."